


You're Not Tony!?

by FrostIron_ed (Thorki_ed), Thorki_ed



Series: Private Chat [4]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 09:35:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/FrostIron_ed, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/Thorki_ed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Bonus to the "Private Chat" series, though it doesn't have a part in it. Loki's really good at memorizing phone numbers..... Isn't he?</p><p> </p><p>Background: Post-Avengers setting, where Loki is named an Avenger after proving to be quite an asset. (It helps that Tony has put in a good word for him)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Not Tony!?

Loki's slender fingers were rapidly sweeping the keyboard of his blackberry as he leaned against the headboard of Tony Stark's bed.

_When are you coming back? It's been like, 7 hours._

*ping*  
 _Loki, if I didn't have to run this stupid company, you know I'd be there with you. I'll be back soon okay?_

Loki rolled his eyes slightly, knowing that if Tony would just let him work some of his magic, he would be done with a whole day's worth of work in a matter of seconds, and he'd never have to attend meetings ever again. But Pepper insisted on having the real Tony there, and not just a conjured-up one, just in case.

_Hurry up before I find someone more interesting than you. Which I could. Easily._

*ping*  
 _.... That's not nice._

_I never said I was nice. I am, however, hard. Very. Hard. Toodles xoxox_  


And because Loki was an ex-super villain, there was obviously still some evil in him. He attached a very flattering picture of private matters before locking his phone and putting it on the side table.

 

*ping*  
 _... Oh my god Loki.. You are driving me nuts._

*ping*  
 _Loki??_

*ping*  
 _> :(_

Loki enjoyed making him squirm, and was about to settle back for a nice nap when JARVIS set off an alarm. Scrambling quickly, he rushed out of the room and down the hallway, calling the names of the other Avengers. Unfortunately, they seemed to all be out to sort out other matters. What luck. Loki thought.

Magically undressing himself out of Tony's Dark Sabbath t-shirt and summoning his armour (which had been charmed to self-buckle, strap, and adjust), he raced out the door, almost to collide with Natasha. Grabbing her elbow and turning her 180 degrees, he literally flew them over the streets of New York.

It took a lot to fluster the great Natasha Romanov, but she was damn flustered. Her eyes were wider than normal, mouth in a horrified gape and she actually stuttered. "Wh-What the hell?"

"What? I debriefed you on our way here," Loki said matter-of-factly. 

"A WARNING NEXT TIME? Before you nearly dislocate my arm and then take flight?" She shrieked. Natasha Romanov did not shriek.

Loki merely shrugged, unfazed. "Doom will be here any second."  
He whipped out his phone again. 

_FYI, if I die right now, I'll have died sexually unsatisfied and it will all be your fault._

*ping*  
 _Loki, where the hell are you? I just got out of my meeting, which was rather hard with the Mjolnir rising in my pants. You're an asshole for sending that picture, btw._

_Hmmm. I'm surprisingly turned on by your jest involving Norse weaponry, but I guess it's not the first time Mjolnir's come up in my sexual activites._

*ping*  
 _.... You've fucked Thor's hammer?_

_Almost as well as I've fucked yours. Oh, Doom's here, g2g._

*ping*  
 _YOU'VE FUCKED THOR'S HAMMER??????????????????????????????????????_

*ping*  
 _LOKI, STOP IGNORING ME!!_

*ping*  
 _> :(_

Loki rolled to one side taking cover behind an old Volvo, Natasha behind a Lexus. They nodded each other in acknowledgement. Since the rest of the Avengers were MIA, they were on their own, but they could take down Doom by themselves. They were after all a very splendid duo. Natasha's practically emptied her cartridges already, but they were all a distraction. She glanced at Loki again, who raised his hands. She flipped herself onto the car and throw herself at Doom, legs wide and ready to kick, while Loki provided her coverage with his magic - bands of thick, heavy black smoke surrounded Doom's eyes so he had no idea what was happening. Reeling back from Natasha's blows, he bellowed in anger. Next, throwing daggers whizzed past Natasha's ears to embed themselves in the weak spots of Doom's armour - Loki's aim was as good as Hawkeye's. Summoning the lampposts around them, Loki bended them to make a makeshift band, clamping Doom's arms to his sides. He was as harmless as an overturned turtle.

When Doom was basically defeated, Loki and Natasha relaxed. What they didn't account for was one of Doom's minions, lurking behind them. 

"Loki, look out!" Natasha cried out.

Loki looked up to see a large shadow of.. of something  
and then he blacked out.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Loki awoke again, he felt as though he'd be struck by a thousand buses, and a couple of lightning bolts too. He was groggy, but opened his eyes anyway to see Tony sitting by his bedside.

"Why am I alive?"

Tony chuckled, "You have serious issues, aren't you happy just to be?"

"No. I'm still sexually frustrated."

Tony looked around to make sure nobody heard them before hastily whispering, "God, what if they heard you?!"

Loki shrugged - which was painful - in a nonchalant manner. "I'm Loki of Asgard. I do what I want."

"Well, I shouldn't be staying up here for too long anyway, they'll suspect something and you promised we would keep this on a down-low, alright?" He handed Loki a box. "Your phone was crushed, by the way. Along with every single bone in your body, but I suspect you've already cast some sort of hocus pocus ward on yourself from your previous stand-offs."

"Hmph." Was all Loki could say. So, yes.

"Aren't you going to ask me for my number again, you sly thing?" Tony wiggled his eyebrows.

"I know your number Stark, and for the record, you wrote it down on a napkin and flew it at me without my asking."

Tony stole a kiss from Loki's soft lips before slipping out the doorway, leaving Loki to familiarize himself with the new phone.  
______________________________________________________________________________

 _What are you wearing?_ Loki gave in to the beckoning of his new blackberry's keys. He was bored, and being confined to a bed because someone had dropped an entire mountain on you, breaking every bone in your body was .... well, it just wasn't fun. The loud clicking the keys made was comforting to Loki, knowing that somewhere out there, Tony would be throwing a bitch fit. His head had been aching and his mind wasn't completely functional, but he memorized Stark's number the moment he saw it scrawled on that lousy bar napkin. 

*ping*  
 _Why, clothing of course._

So he wanted to play that game, hm? Loki thought. Though he made a promise to Stark about not bothering him during his important meetings, he blamed Tony for believing him anyway. Liesmith, duh. So, he went on ahead.  


_Red WAS always my favourite colour on you... Especially because your red bedsheets always pool in the right areas._

*ping*  
 _Why do you speak of such things?_

_To get under skin, of course. You can take that however sexually you want. ;)_

*ping*  
 _Do I know you?_

_Don't play hard to get my shining knight of red and gold, you've practically strutted around the house, knowingly taking into account of my want-but-cannot-have-you stare._

*ping*  
 _You're making it most difficult to concentrate._

_Concentrate? On what? I can't even hear myself think over the odd sounds my stomach is making.... Probably because there's not enough cum in it._

*ping*  
 _.......... Very difficult indeed._

_Good. Because I want you to concentrate on me, and concentrate on what I'm about to say: I'm going to ride you until you're sore. I'm really quite good on a horse...._

The fevered clicking died for a moment. Loki thought about siring Sleipnir at that moment. Hm. Anyway....

_But I'm thinking you might be naughty and try to buck me off... Looks like we'll have to get you some reins, won't we?_

*ping*  
 _This is madness. Where are you?_

_Where else could I be? I'm lying broken in that blasted medical room (though I would loooooove for you to come break me some more)_

 

He hadn't received a response for well over five minutes, so he decided it was time for drastic measures. He summoned some fond memories, and reached down for himself. Though barely stiff, he caught a walloping handful anyway, knowing it would be enough to make Tony want to excuse himself from his infernal meeting. He snapped a picture. 

Just as he was about to send, he heard loud footsteps coming towards his door, a clear clatter of metal with every stride.

_**Why would tony be in his suit?** _

The door flung open.

"YOU'RE NOT TONY!?" Loki spluttered before he could help himself. He threw his phone in alarm, and watched it bounce off Thor's head with a dull thunk.

Thor looked utterly bewildered, but unharmed by the flying phone . "These messages... You have meant for them to be Tony's?"

"Y-YES. OH GODS." Loki was dying of embarrassment, thanking the Norns that he did not send that picture, so he drew the blankets over his head to hide his blushing face.

Noticing his brother's odd behaviour, Thor strode across the room to tug at the blanket, "Loki, there is no need for embarrassment."

Loki's bright green eyes stared over the top of his blanket before squeaking, "You. Have. No. Idea."

"I apologize, brother. I seem to have intruded among the privacy between you and Tony Stark, thinking they were my matters but ah - it appears not." Thor fidgeted with Mjolnir.

Thor never fidgeted with Mjolnir.

Sensing Thor's own embarrassment, Loki studied his brother from head to - oh.

Oh.

See, the thing with Asgardian armour is that it allows a lot of flexibility for combat, but no room for tactical error, which is why it is made of very thin cloth, and very tight.

"Thor... If Mjolnir was not hanging evidently from your hand, I would've guessed it in your pants." Loki snickered softly.

It was Thor's turn to turn bright red. "I never liked how smooth you were with your words."

"Smooth words flow from a smooth tongue... Would you like to see how I earned my nickname now?" his grin was wickedly mischievous. It was a grin nobody in their goddamn right mind would trust.

Which is why Thor trusted it. Curiously, he traced the lines of Loki's face from his high cheekbones to his firm jawline, placing his lips upon his brother's. 

Warm, blazing kisses of golden sun met with the cool, frosted softness that was not unlike fresh falling snow.

Across the room, Loki's phone cried out for attention.

*ping*  
 _Loki, are you dead? is that why you haven't texted me all day?_

*ping*  
 _Seriously. Or did you throw the napkin away and not remember my number?_

*ping*  
 _Helllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?_

*ping*  
 _> :(_


End file.
